How To Deal With
Tragedy 1
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How To Deal With Tragedy 2
Introduction
Life can be pure bliss—when
everything is going your way.
But what if tragedy strikes you?
What if you encounter lots of tragedies in life?
- What if
a wife you’ve been married to for years suddenly falls sick and dies?
- What if
a hurricane sweeps over your city and destroys all your property?
- What if
you’re struck down by a debilitating disease? Or what if you are involved
in a tragic car accident?
- What do
you say after a tragedy?
- How do
you recover from tragedy
- What are
some things to remember when coping with tragedy?
- How can
you be positive in difficult situations?
What do you do? How can tragedy be
overcome?
In this article, I answer all of
these questions and share little-known secrets
to help you in dealing with tragedy which can help you to emerge stronger after
the tragedy.
Reaction To Tragedy
Many mental health experts assert
that dealing with tragedy occurs in set stages. However, each individual deals with
tragedy in his or her own unique way.
When a tragedy befalls you, you may
not know what to expect following:
- the
natural disaster;
- the death
of your loved one;
- the unfaithfulness
of your spouse;
- the
terrible accident that made you lose part of your body; or
- when you
are told you have a serious illness etc.
However, certain emotions and
challenges are common to all people who face tragedy and can often be
anticipated.
Here are some emotions you will go
through:
1. Initially
You Will Be Shocked
Initially, the primary reaction may
be shock and disbelief. You may feel numb, you may find it difficult to
breathe, or you’ll find it difficult to believe what has just happened.
And then…
2. You
May Feel Emotionally Overwhelmed
Depending on your level of
tolerance of disaster, you may experience crying spells.
Furthermore, you may experience
abrupt mood changes.
Your emotions may further be
charged by vivid memories of crashed dreams, lost hopes, material things you’ve
lost, or the physical pain you’re going through.
Use These Tips To Help You Deal With Depression:
3. You
Will Experience Bouts Of Anger And Guilt
You may feel so angry and even be
surprised at times that you’re so angry, even if you don’t have a natural
disposition to get angry often.
If the tragedy is the death of a
loved one, you may feel guilty and question whether you could have done more to
help your loved one.
And if you’re religious, you may
feel that if God is allowing you to suffer that much, you must be a bad person.
Alternately, you may blame God for your predicament.
Use These Tips To Help You Deal With Anger:
4. Troublesome
Thinking Patterns Will Worry You
There will be periods when your
thoughts become erratic and illogical.
For example, you may find it hard
to concentrate on your studies, your work in the office, or remember things.
Sometimes, you’d be having a
conversation and find that your mind wanders. Your mind may race and go over
the events building up to the sad event and the events surrounding the tragedy.
Your inability to focus on
conversations with friends and loved ones may of itself become distressing.
These Tips Will
Help You To Deal With Anxiety:
Effects Of
Negative Thinking On The Brain
These negative thoughts can have an
effect on your brain and make you feel even more miserable.
How does negativity affect the
brain?
How Negativity Affects The
Brain
When you think about all the bad
things that could happen and about the fact that matters could get worse, your
brain registers a negative emotion—fear.
Consequently, the rest of the world
doesn’t matter. You focus entirely on the tragedy, the sad memories, and what
it has done to you. And this can help strengthen negative emotions. The
negative emotions will narrow your mind and focus your thoughts on constant
negativity.
But at that same moment the
negative thoughts came into your mind, you had an option. You could have
thought about ways you’ve overcome tragedy in the past. You could have thought
about the fact that others have survived tragedy and so you can survive it too.
However, your brain ignores all those positive options because they seem to be
irrelevant when you feel so hurt.
5. You
May Withdraw
You may feel irritable or awkward
when you’re with others.
Moreover, you may get irritated with
people who complain about problems which you see as trivial compared to yours.
Plus, when people share good news
with you, you’d be happy for them, but find it hard to listen to them. You’d
understand that life goes on, but you’ll not have the desire or patience to
deal with it.
6. You
May Have Health Problems
You may not have the appetite to
eat your favorite meals.
Furthermore, you may worry a lot, have
anxiety attacks, become depressed, and lose weight.
Moreover, you may experience
changes in your sleep patterns which may make you become irritable.
And sometimes, you may wake up at
night and think about the tragedy.
These Tips Will Help You Battle Anxiety And Depression:
Which leads us to…
Dealing
With A Tragedy and How You Can Recover
If you look for advice on dealing
with a tragedy, you’ll likely find a myriad of ideas –some more helpful than
others. Perhaps that is because everyone deals with tragedy differently. What
works for John may not work for Al.
Even so, there are some basic
guidelines that proved practical for me when I faced a series of tragedies some
years back.
And there are guidelines that
scientific studies reveal can help you, and mental health experts assert can
help one deal with tragedy.
Below, I share some of these strategies
with you and how to manage your emotions in a positive way:
1. Think
Positively And Be Optimistic
Some studies have revealed that
thinking positively can impact on your physical health, as well as mental
health, positively when you are coping with trauma.
For example,
one
study which followed 70,000 women from 2004 to 2012 found that women
who were optimistic had lower rates of depression, higher energy levels, and
better stress management and coping skills.
How Positivity Affects Your
Brain
You may be wondering, “Does
positive thinking really work? What are the facts about positivity? How can you
think positively when tragedy strikes you?”
Facts About Positivity And
Effects of Positive Thinking
Positivity stimulates the growth of
nerve connections in the brain. Furthermore, thinking positively makes your
brain reduce the levels of
cortisol
(the stress hormone) it releases.
Benefits Of Positive
Thinking
Scientific studies on positive
thinking suggest it works.
For example, according to positive
psychology researcher Barbara Fredrickson of the University of North Carolina,
thinking positively helps to induce positive emotions such as joy and
contentment in a person. That can help you to see more possibilities in life
and you will have hope as a result. These are some of the major benefits of
being positive.
So try to maintain positive
thoughts.
Now you know what positive thinking
can do for you. But how do you do it?
How Can I Stimulate
Positive Thinking to Cope With Personal Tragedy?
If you’re not sure how to go about
this, these science-backed tips will help:
2. Keep
Your Mind Occupied
- Read
inspirational books or poems that inspire hope in you.
- Keep on
working at the office instead of asking for a leave.
- Go to
games of your favorite basketball team or baseball team on the weekends.
- Call a
friend when you’re feeling lonely and chat about small stuff.
3. Tell
Yourself You Are The Sun And The Clouds
Will Pass
Have you ever looked into the sky,
seen clouds swallow up the sun, and then see the sun emerge and shine brightly
again after a short while?
Well, you are the Sun. Or, think of
yourself as the Sun. Resolve that you will not let the clouds of tragedy cover
up your life forever. Plus, affirm to yourself daily that you will emerge and
shine brightly again.
4. Ask
For Help, If You’re A Man
Do not deal with the situation
alone. Reach out and let people help you. It’ll
help increase your chances of surviving the tragedy.
5. Accept
Help
Some people overrate their
emotional strength and think, “I’m tough enough to handle this on my own. I
don’t need the help of anyone.”
You do not necessarily have to
depend on others constantly, but don’t completely push away people who want to
help. Their encouragement and support will help reduce feelings of loneliness.
Just communicate what you need and
the boundaries they must respect. Balance self-sufficiency with dependence on
others.
6. Talk
To Someone
The English dramatist Shakespeare
wrote in Macbeth: “Give sorrow words; the
grief that does not speak whispers o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.”
In other words, when you keep all
the negative emotions inside, it may break your heart and cause more emotional
problems for you.
So share your feelings and thoughts
with someone of the same gender who has experienced the same kind of tragedy
you are experiencing.
Knowing that such a person has been
through what you’re going through and is likely to understand how you feel can make it
easier for you to unburden to him or her.
7. Be
Grateful Things Weren’t Worse
No matter how bad your situation,
it could have been worse. No, I’m not trying to be cruel, but that’s the truth.
And being grateful that things were not worse can help you feel better, that’s
according to
Wharton
professor Adam Grant.
8. You
Must Choose To Be Resilient
One thing that can help you when
the storms come is resilience.
What is resilience?
Psychology Today describes resilience as that quality in a human
being that makes him come back stronger after he is dealt a huge blow by life. And
rather than letting the tragedy overcome him and weaken his resolve to live a
fulfilling, productive life, he finds a way to rise up again and keep on
fighting.
Why Is It Important To Be
Resilient When You Encounter A Tragedy?
The tragedy may make you feel
threatened. As a result, you may try to “escape” and ease your emotional pain
by indulging in self-destructive habits such as smoking, drinking alcohol, or
abusing hard drugs, which are all habits which can make you feel even more
miserable.
However, when you choose to be resilient, you’re more likely to face your
challenge squarely, to think constructively and creatively and find healthy
ways to cope so that you can get on with your life.
9. Visualize
Hope
Every day, imagine yourself
experiencing happy days again. Cling to this hope. Let it be a lifeline for
you. Doing that will help you to see that life is still worth living and that
can bring you peace and joy.
10.
Watch Sad Movies
Sounds counterintuitive, right? However,
research suggests that watching a tragic movie can make you feel happy.
What does
watching movies do to your brain?
What These
Movies Can Do To Your Brain?
Movies help to relieve stress. According
to Professor Paul Zak, Greatist Expert
and Director of Center for Neuroeconomics Studies, when you watch a sad movie and
empathize with characters who are also facing trouble, your brain releases the
hormone oxytocin.
Oxytocin promotes bonding. So
you’ll feel better connected with friends and family members after watching
these kinds of movies and this will help to reduce feelings of loneliness that accompany tragedy.
Furthermore, the movies may make
you reflect on the fact that many people are going through worse things than
you are going through. That’ll help you to appreciate your own life your life better—you’ll
realize that you’re blessed. Consequently, you’ll not complain too much about
your predicament.
Another Thing Sad Movies Can
Do To Your Brain
A study carried out at the Oxford
University, and published in the Journal
Royal Society
Open Science, suggests the brain releases the feel-good hormone
endorphins when one watches a sad movie. These hormones will induce a feeling
of well-being and you’ll feel calm as a result.
11.
Reminisce
Here is an exercise you should do
every morning:
- Listen
to a song that evokes pleasant memories.
- Recall
exciting events from your childhood years and teenage years.
- Then write
down detailed accounts of five of such events and read them aloud to yourself throughout the day.
12.
Decide That You Will Continue To Be Purposeful
This may help you to learn valuable
lessons from the tragedy and quickly refocus on your dreams and aspirations in
life so that you can
make
a quick emotional recovery. In other words, it can help you to avoid
descending into pits of despair and gloom.
When you choose to maintain your
focus, you’ll find it easier to reframe the calamity so that you can deal with
it more productively. This will facilitate your recovery from the stress of the
event and the trauma.
13.
Get Moving
Don’t let the disaster paralyze you
into inaction. Have a date with a loved one. Jump the rope every morning before
you go out to face the world. Play soccer with friends.
14. Read The Stories Of Others
This will help to remind you that
others have suffered what you’re suffering and they overcame and so you can
also overcome.
To know that others have gone
through what you’re going through , and that they came out whole from it and
are still surviving, can help to strengthen you.
- This
article by Huffpost, which tells the stories of five people who
lived through tragedy, will
encourage your heart and give you hope to face tomorrow.
15. Learn Something New
When tragedy strikes, you can get
so wrapped up in all the bad things that are happening around you and forget
that there is a world beyond the “four corners” of your present circumstances.
You may forget that the sound of a
bird singing is beautiful. You may forget that flowers are beautiful. You may
forget that women are beautiful and men handsome.
And most importantly you may forget that the most important possession
you have on earth, the most precious gift you have, is life itself, and that
you should not waste that life just whining and murmuring.
However, when you resolve to go on
living, you will find it easier to transport your mind from your present
circumstances and enjoy life. It will inspire you to continue appreciating
life, the people around you, and the wonders of mother earth.
16. Do Things To Make You Relax
There will be times when, despite
your best efforts to remain positive, you will worry and feel anxious. That can
induce tension in your body, which in turn can cause pain in your body.
Relaxing will help to diffuse such
tension.
17. Help Others
18. Read Comforting Bible Verses
I discovered the benefit of reading
comforting scripture verses when I was dealing with a series of tragedies that
shook my world and made me feel that I’d come to the end of my life on earth.
This was after the death of an
uncle who was working on getting me employed after I’d finished university. For
someone who graduated with a first-class and was hoping to get a very good-paying job, this was a severe blow.
As if that blow was not enough, I
battled with a number of ailments soon after that. And to add insult to injury,
I now suffer from very terrible halitosis which makes it impossible for me to
socialize and which has made me unemployable.
After getting angry with God for
“intentionally doing this to prevent me from getting a job,” I started reading
my Bible again. The stories of Job, Naomi and Ruth, and the shipwreck of Paul
(In Acts 27) gave me hope that my story is far from over.
19. Pray
Prayer to “the God of all comfort
who comforts us in all our tribulation” (2 Corinthians 1: 3,4), is not some
sort of emotional crutch. It is real and vital communication.
Talking to the LORD, the Sustaining
Power who gives hope, will make you feel close to Him and your faith will be strengthened.
A strong faith will make you feel, “God will help me through the storm”.
What To Pray For
·
Pray for clarity of mind so that you can make wise choices.
·
Pray for peace of mind.
·
Pray for God’s grace to strengthen you.
·
Pray that you will not become angry and bitter.
·
Pray for God to provide the financial and material resources you need to
endure the trial.
20. Hang Out With Supportive People
Spend time with people who care about you, people who are empathetic and can listen to your frustrations without
getting impatient, and who want the best for you. Their advice and attitude will make it easier for you to cope with the trauma.
21.
Give Yourself Reasons To Recover
Write
thank you notes to yourself, smile about funny things you see as you go
about your daily duties, and choose to be joyful. After all, being morose will
not change anything, but just make you feel sadder.
Some Final Thoughts
Your Brain Will Take Time
To Heal
Reminders, what people say, images
you see on TV, songs, and even smells can trigger painful memories and make you
relive the tragic event.
Be patient with yourself and you
will get through the tragedy and recover completely.
And listen to God speak to you,
“Thus says the LORD: Keep your voice from weeping, and your eyes from tears; …
There is hope for your future, says the LORD”(Jeremiah 31: 16, 17).
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