Sunday, December 1, 2019

The Ultimate Guide to Dealing With Tragedy: 21 Tips to Help You Recover and Emerge Stronger


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Introduction

Life can be pure bliss—when everything is going your way.
But what if tragedy strikes you? What if you encounter lots of tragedies in life?
  • What if a wife you’ve been married to for years suddenly falls sick and dies?
  • What if a hurricane sweeps over your city and destroys all your property?
  • What if you’re struck down by a debilitating disease? Or what if you are involved in a tragic car accident?
  • What do you say after a tragedy?
  • How do you recover from tragedy
  • What are some things to remember when coping with tragedy?
  • How can you be positive in difficult situations?

What do you do? How can tragedy be overcome?
In this article, I answer all of these questions and share little-known secrets to help you in dealing with tragedy which can help you to emerge stronger after the tragedy.


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Reaction To Tragedy

Many mental health experts assert that dealing with tragedy occurs in set stages. However, each individual deals with tragedy in his or her own unique way.
When a tragedy befalls you, you may not know what to expect following:
  • the natural disaster;
  • the death of your loved one;
  • the unfaithfulness of your spouse;
  • the terrible accident that made you lose part of your body; or
  • when you are told you have a serious illness etc.

However, certain emotions and challenges are common to all people who face tragedy and can often be anticipated.
Here are some emotions you will go through:


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1.     Initially You Will Be Shocked

Initially, the primary reaction may be shock and disbelief. You may feel numb, you may find it difficult to breathe, or you’ll find it difficult to believe what has just happened.

And then…

2.     You May Feel Emotionally Overwhelmed

Depending on your level of tolerance of disaster, you may experience crying spells.
Furthermore, you may experience abrupt mood changes.
Your emotions may further be charged by vivid memories of crashed dreams, lost hopes, material things you’ve lost, or the physical pain you’re going through.
Use These Tips To Help You Deal With Depression:


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3.     You Will Experience Bouts Of Anger And Guilt

You may feel so angry and even be surprised at times that you’re so angry, even if you don’t have a natural disposition to get angry often.
If the tragedy is the death of a loved one, you may feel guilty and question whether you could have done more to help your loved one.
And if you’re religious, you may feel that if God is allowing you to suffer that much, you must be a bad person. Alternately, you may blame God for your predicament.
Use These Tips To Help You Deal With Anger:

4.     Troublesome Thinking Patterns Will Worry You

There will be periods when your thoughts become erratic and illogical.
For example, you may find it hard to concentrate on your studies, your work in the office, or remember things.
Sometimes, you’d be having a conversation and find that your mind wanders. Your mind may race and go over the events building up to the sad event and the events surrounding the tragedy.
Your inability to focus on conversations with friends and loved ones may of itself become distressing.

These Tips Will Help You To Deal With Anxiety:


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Effects Of Negative Thinking On The Brain

These negative thoughts can have an effect on your brain and make you feel even more miserable.
How does negativity affect the brain?

How Negativity Affects The Brain

When you think about all the bad things that could happen and about the fact that matters could get worse, your brain registers a negative emotion—fear.
Consequently, the rest of the world doesn’t matter. You focus entirely on the tragedy, the sad memories, and what it has done to you. And this can help strengthen negative emotions. The negative emotions will narrow your mind and focus your thoughts on constant negativity.
But at that same moment the negative thoughts came into your mind, you had an option. You could have thought about ways you’ve overcome tragedy in the past. You could have thought about the fact that others have survived tragedy and so you can survive it too. However, your brain ignores all those positive options because they seem to be irrelevant when you feel so hurt.

5.     You May Withdraw

You may feel irritable or awkward when you’re with others.
Moreover, you may get irritated with people who complain about problems which you see as trivial compared to yours.
Plus, when people share good news with you, you’d be happy for them, but find it hard to listen to them. You’d understand that life goes on, but you’ll not have the desire or patience to deal with it.


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6.     You May Have Health Problems

You may not have the appetite to eat your favorite meals.
Furthermore, you may worry a lot, have anxiety attacks, become depressed, and lose weight.
Moreover, you may experience changes in your sleep patterns which may make you become irritable.
And sometimes, you may wake up at night and think about the tragedy.

Which leads us to…

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Dealing With A Tragedy and How You Can Recover

If you look for advice on dealing with a tragedy, you’ll likely find a myriad of ideas –some more helpful than others. Perhaps that is because everyone deals with tragedy differently. What works for John may not work for Al.
Even so, there are some basic guidelines that proved practical for me when I faced a series of tragedies some years back.
And there are guidelines that scientific studies reveal can help you, and mental health experts assert can help one deal with tragedy.
Below, I share some of these strategies with you and how to manage your emotions in a positive way:


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1.     Think Positively And Be Optimistic

Some studies have revealed that thinking positively can impact on your physical health, as well as mental health, positively when you are coping with trauma.
For example, one study which followed 70,000 women from 2004 to 2012 found that women who were optimistic had lower rates of depression, higher energy levels, and better stress management and coping skills.

How Positivity Affects Your Brain

You may be wondering, “Does positive thinking really work? What are the facts about positivity? How can you think positively when tragedy strikes you?”

Facts About Positivity And Effects of Positive Thinking

Positivity stimulates the growth of nerve connections in the brain. Furthermore, thinking positively makes your brain reduce the levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) it releases.
Rather, the brain boosts its production of the hormone serotonin, which Psychology Today says can help give you a sense of well-being.  

Benefits Of Positive Thinking

Scientific studies on positive thinking suggest it works.
For example, according to positive psychology researcher Barbara Fredrickson of the University of North Carolina, thinking positively helps to induce positive emotions such as joy and contentment in a person. That can help you to see more possibilities in life and you will have hope as a result. These are some of the major benefits of being positive.
So try to maintain positive thoughts.



Now you know what positive thinking can do for you. But how do you do it?

How Can I Stimulate Positive Thinking to Cope With Personal Tragedy?

If you’re not sure how to go about this, these science-backed tips will help:

2.     Keep Your Mind Occupied

  • Read inspirational books or poems that inspire hope in you.
  • Keep on working at the office instead of asking for a leave.
  • Go to games of your favorite basketball team or baseball team on the weekends.
  • Call a friend when you’re feeling lonely and chat about small stuff.
Psychcentral recommends never allowing  your mind to lie idle so that you can reduce the likelihood of ruminating on the tragic event.

3.     Tell Yourself  You Are The Sun And The Clouds Will Pass

Have you ever looked into the sky, seen clouds swallow up the sun, and then see the sun emerge and shine brightly again after a short while?
Well, you are the Sun. Or, think of yourself as the Sun. Resolve that you will not let the clouds of tragedy cover up your life forever. Plus, affirm to yourself daily that you will emerge and shine brightly again. 


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4.     Ask For Help, If You’re A Man

Most people who commit suicide when they encounter tragedy are men. Most of them are too ashamed to ask for help.
Do not deal with the situation alone. Reach out and let people help you. It’ll  help increase your chances of surviving the tragedy.

5.     Accept Help

Some people overrate their emotional strength and think, “I’m tough enough to handle this on my own. I don’t need the help of anyone.”
You do not necessarily have to depend on others constantly, but don’t completely push away people who want to help. Their encouragement and support  will help reduce feelings of loneliness.
Just communicate what you need and the boundaries they must respect. Balance self-sufficiency with dependence on others.

6.     Talk To Someone

The English dramatist Shakespeare wrote in Macbeth: “Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.”
In other words, when you keep all the negative emotions inside, it may break your heart and cause more emotional problems for you.
So share your feelings and thoughts with someone of the same gender who has experienced the same kind of tragedy you are experiencing. 
Knowing that such a person has been through what you’re going through and is likely to understand how you feel can make it easier for you to unburden to him or her.


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7.     Be Grateful Things Weren’t Worse

No matter how bad your situation, it could have been worse. No, I’m not trying to be cruel, but that’s the truth. And being grateful that things were not worse can help you feel better, that’s according to Wharton professor Adam Grant.

8.     You Must Choose To Be Resilient

One thing that can help you when the storms come is resilience.
What is resilience?
Psychology Today describes resilience as that quality in a human being that makes him come back stronger after he is dealt a huge blow by life. And rather than letting the tragedy overcome him and weaken his resolve to live a fulfilling, productive life, he finds a way to rise up again and keep on fighting.

Why Is It Important To Be Resilient When You Encounter A Tragedy?

The tragedy may make you feel threatened. As a result, you may try to “escape” and ease your emotional pain by indulging in self-destructive habits such as smoking, drinking alcohol, or abusing hard drugs, which are all habits which can make you feel even more miserable.
However, when you choose to be resilient, you’re more likely to face your challenge squarely, to think constructively and creatively and find healthy ways to cope so that you can get on with your life.

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9.     Visualize Hope

Every day, imagine yourself experiencing happy days again. Cling to this hope. Let it be a lifeline for you. Doing that will help you to see that life is still worth living and that can bring you peace and joy.

10.                       Watch Sad Movies

Sounds counterintuitive, right? However, research suggests that watching a tragic movie can make you feel happy.
What does watching movies do to your brain?

What These Movies Can Do To Your Brain?

Movies help to relieve stress. According to Professor Paul  Zak, Greatist Expert and Director of Center for Neuroeconomics Studies, when you watch a sad movie and empathize with characters who are also facing trouble, your brain releases the hormone  oxytocin.
Oxytocin promotes bonding. So you’ll feel better connected with friends and family members after watching these kinds of movies and this will help to reduce feelings of loneliness that accompany tragedy.
Additionally, oxytocin induces a number of other responses in the human body, including reducing stress and promoting healing. Consequently, after viewing a sad movie, you will feel more relaxed.
Furthermore, the movies may make you reflect on the fact that many people are going through worse things than you are going through. That’ll help you to appreciate your own life your life better—you’ll realize that you’re blessed. Consequently, you’ll not complain too much about your predicament.

Another Thing Sad Movies Can Do To Your Brain

A study carried out at the Oxford University, and published in the Journal Royal Society Open Science, suggests the brain releases the feel-good hormone endorphins when one watches a sad movie. These hormones will induce a feeling of well-being and you’ll feel calm as a result.
 

11.                       Reminisce

A study carried out at the University of Southampton and published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin revealed that this activity can help make one more positive about the future.
Here is an exercise you should do every morning:
  • Listen to a song that evokes pleasant memories.
  • Recall exciting events from your childhood years and teenage years.
  • Then write down detailed accounts of five of such events and read them aloud to yourself throughout the day.  

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12.                       Decide That You Will Continue To Be Purposeful

This may help you to learn valuable lessons from the tragedy and quickly refocus on your dreams and aspirations in life so that you can make a quick emotional recovery. In other words, it can help you to avoid descending into pits of despair and gloom.
When you choose to maintain your focus, you’ll find it easier to reframe the calamity so that you can deal with it more productively. This will facilitate your recovery from the stress of the event and the trauma. 

13.                       Get Moving

Don’t let the disaster paralyze you into inaction. Have a date with a loved one. Jump the rope every morning before you go out to face the world. Play soccer with friends.
The Colorado State University recommends engaging in some action and you’ll feel better.

14.    Read The Stories Of Others

This will help to remind you that others have suffered what you’re suffering and they overcame and so you can also overcome.
To know that others have gone through what you’re going through , and that they came out whole from it and are still surviving, can help to strengthen you.
  • This article by Huffpost, which tells the stories of five people who lived through tragedy, will encourage your heart and give you hope to face tomorrow.

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15.          Learn Something New

When tragedy strikes, you can get so wrapped up in all the bad things that are happening around you and forget that there is a world beyond the “four corners” of your present circumstances.
You may forget that the sound of a bird singing is beautiful. You may forget that flowers are beautiful. You may forget that women are beautiful and men handsome.
And most importantly you may forget that the most important possession you have on earth, the most precious gift you have, is life itself, and that you should not waste that life just whining and murmuring.
However, when you resolve to go on living, you will find it easier to transport your mind from your present circumstances and enjoy life. It will inspire you to continue appreciating life, the people around you, and the wonders of mother earth.


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16.        Do Things To Make You Relax

There will be times when, despite your best efforts to remain positive, you will worry and feel anxious. That can induce tension in your body, which in turn can cause pain in your body.
Relaxing will help to diffuse such tension.

17.      Help Others

An analysis of 40 studies by researchers at the University of Exeter Medical School found that volunteers have lower levels of depression and increased life satisfaction than people who don’t volunteer. 

18.       Read Comforting Bible Verses

I discovered the benefit of reading comforting scripture verses when I was dealing with a series of tragedies that shook my world and made me feel that I’d come to the end of my life on earth.
This was after the death of an uncle who was working on getting me employed after I’d finished university. For someone who graduated with a first-class and was hoping to get a very good-paying job, this was a severe blow.
As if that blow was not enough, I battled with a number of ailments soon after that. And to add insult to injury, I now suffer from very terrible halitosis which makes it impossible for me to socialize and which has made me unemployable.
After getting angry with God for “intentionally doing this to prevent me from getting a job,” I started reading my Bible again. The stories of Job, Naomi and Ruth, and the shipwreck of Paul (In Acts 27) gave me hope that my story is far from over.


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19.        Pray

Prayer to “the God of all comfort who comforts us in all our tribulation” (2 Corinthians 1: 3,4), is not some sort of emotional crutch. It is real and vital communication.
Talking to the LORD, the Sustaining Power who gives hope, will make you feel close to Him and your faith will be strengthened. A strong faith will make you feel, “God will help me through the storm”.  

What To Pray For

·         Pray for clarity of mind so that you can make wise choices.

·         Pray for peace of mind.

·         Pray for God’s grace to strengthen you.

·         Pray that you will not become angry and bitter.

·         Pray for God to provide the financial and material resources you need to endure the trial.   


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20.      Hang Out With Supportive People

Spend time with people who care about you, people who are empathetic and can listen to your frustrations without getting impatient, and who want the best for you. Their advice and attitude will make it easier for you to cope with the trauma.


21.     Give Yourself Reasons To Recover

Write thank you notes to yourself, smile about funny things you see as you go about your daily duties, and choose to be joyful. After all, being morose will not change anything, but just make you feel sadder.


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Some Final Thoughts

Your Brain Will Take Time To Heal

Deepak Chopra in an article for CNN states that studies have shown victims of tragedy can return to their normal state within two years.
Reminders, what people say, images you see on TV, songs, and even smells can trigger painful memories and make you relive the tragic event.
So, don’t get anxious when you find it hard to re-establish a normal routine immediately. Don’t give yourself a timeline for healing. Overcoming tragedies takes time.
Be patient with yourself and you will get through the tragedy and recover completely.
And listen to God speak to you, “Thus says the LORD: Keep your voice from weeping, and your eyes from tears; … There is hope for your future, says the LORD”(Jeremiah 31: 16, 17).

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