Kofi Agyemang has problems with his temper: he gets angry easily. Recently, his doctor advised him to learn to manage his emotions when people annoy him. “I get angry often over things I do not need to be so upset over, such as when my wife nags, and I throw tantrums, shout, and hit my fist on tables when I am annoyed. I know it’s bad, but I find it difficult to deal with it. At other times too, I just get angry when someone has done nothing to hurt me. I went to see my doctor recently and I was shocked when he told me that getting angry often can increase my risk for a heart attack or a stroke. I have never thought of it that way: I have never imagined that getting angry often could land me in such serious trouble. I want to know some positive ways I can deal with my anger so that I will not get a heart attack. And what are some of the ways I can deal with the unexplained anger I suffer from sometimes,” he asks.

The advice of Kofi’s doctor was spot on: research done by the Harvard School of Public Health suggests that people who get angry often have an increased risk of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.

In this article, I want to show you how to deal with anger in healthy ways so that it will not adversely affect the health of your heart.

Now, this is what you can do.

1. Resolve To Live Peaceably With Others

The Bible says in Romans 12 v 18 that, “If possible, so far as it depends upon you, live peaceably with all.” In other words, you can choose to act in a humble and peaceful manner when someone provokes you or irritates you.

So, remind yourself that maintaining peace depends on you and choose to follow a path of peace instead of choosing to adopt a confrontational attitude, and that can help you to calm down. You may say something such as, “I want us to maintain the peace and so I will forget about my ego and pride and resist the temptation to revenge,” to help you gain control over your emotions.

Accept that there are things you did which contributed to the disagreement and avoid putting all the blame on the other person. When you do this and you judge yourself too instead of thinking the other person is an enemy, it will help you to feel humble and that will make it easier for you give the other person respect.

Keep company with men and women who show calmness at all times, and who you know have dealt with very provoking situations in a calm manner in the past. As you associate with them and interact with them, you will learn from them: they will exert a positive influence on your attitude and behavior and before long you will see that you will begin to respond calmly when people offend you.

2. Remember People You Have Also Angered Before

Another way to deal with anger is to remind yourself of the fact that you have also done things to hurt people, and that those people controlled their negative emotion and chose to give you a second chance.

When you consider the fact that your husband, wife, brother, sister, classmate, co-worker, or neighbor also decided to restrain themselves in the past so that you could maintain your relationship, your conscience will tell you that you also need to do unto others what others have done unto you, and that will help you to cool down.

So, when you see that you are getting angry, walk away from the person who is annoying you, settle in a quiet place, close your eyes, and recall 10 people you have annoyed in the past but who chose to control their anger. Keep mulling over the scenes where these people restrained themselves and replay it over and over again in your mind and it will make you feel that you also owe it to others to show them the kind of magnanimity that those who forgave you in the past showed to you, and that can make it easier for you to calm down.

To make it easier for you to get into the spirit to forgive, you may say words such as these to yourself, “I offended Kwabena last week and he glossed over my mistake. I offended Kwasi last month and he was gracious to me. I made Yaa angry and she was magnanimous towards me. I must also control myself and show kindness to Afua who has hurt me.”

Additionally, remind yourself of the fact that you will offend people in the future. It will make you reckon that since you will need the people you will anger in the future to forgive you, you must also forgive the person who has wronged you today so that others will be gracious to you tomorrow. So, you may say something such as this to help motivate you to resist the urge to prolong your anger, “How I treat Afua today can influence how those I will offend in the future will treat me. No, I must cool down! I must calm down so that I will also receive mercy when I offend people in the future.”

3. Remind Yourself Of How Anger Can Cost People

Watch a video of someone who got angry and lost something valuable as a result of his anger, and the negative effect that anger had on his or her life. Alternatively, listen to stories of people who suffered great losses as a result of their anger and the price they had to pay because of that anger.

Then, write down 10 ways in which getting very angry affected your life negatively in the past and exactly how you suffered as a result of your inability to control or restrain your anger.

Doing this exercise will help to remind you that you can suffer if you do not keep your anger in check and that can serve as a motivation to help you cool down so that you will not experience loos again: because you will not want to suffer another setback, you will find ways to diffuse your anger.

4. Listen To Gospel Music

Sometimes when I get very angry, I listen to gospel songs that talk about God’s mercy and grace towards me, and which speak about the fact that although I commit serious sins against God, God forgives me and gives me another chance to make amends. It helps to remind me of the fact that I also need to be gracious to those who offend me, and that helps me to restrain myself.

So, when you are angry, pick up your phone and listen to cool, soul-touching gospel songs whose lyrics stress the importance of forgiving others, or that have lyrics that stress the need to love others because we are on Earth for a very short time and so we do not need to carry grudges around because that will affect the quality of our lives.

This exercise will help you to renew your mind and it will make it easier to think about reconciliation: you will feel more comfortable to change your mindset from an adversarial one to a conciliatory one. Consequently, you will be more willing to forgive, you will find it easier to let go of the pain you feel, and that will help you to calm your spirit.

Conclusion

If you want to deal with anger so that it will not hurt your relationship with your loved ones, resolve to live peaceably with people who annoy you, remind yourself that others controlled their anger when you annoyed them and you must also control yourself for peace to prevail, recall how anger has made you lose something valuable before, and listen to gospel music and you will be able to manage your emotions better.