Picture 1: Prayer can help you to cope with a miscarriage

Your last pregnancy did not go as planned and you had a miscarriage.

Please accept my condolences!

And right now, you feel all sorts of emotions fighting for your attention.

And your emotional pain is compounded by physical effects of the miscarriage, such as pelvic pain, frequent cramps, and tenderness in your chest.

And that makes your sense of grief grow stronger and you wonder how you are going to survive the loss.

Your experience is not an isolated experience.

According to estimates by the National Institute of Health of the USA, between 15% and 20% of pregnant women in the United States miscarry.

So, how do you cope with a miscarriage? How can you manage all the negative emotions that you experience?

Related: 3 Best Ways to Cope With a Miscarriage

1. Remind Yourself Often That You Are A Mother

Envy grows in your heart when you see an expectant teenage woman going to antenatal clinic, right? You get jealous when your sister informs you that she’s pregnant, right?

You switch off the TV when you see a pregnant woman in the office of an obstetrician, right? Or you feel envious when you hear a new mother talking about how beautiful her baby is, right?

You know why you are experiencing those feelings?

Why You Feel Envious

Psychologists assert that envy is an indication that one’s self-esteem is low. So when you see other pregnant women, you feel that having had a miscarriage makes you less of a woman than women who are pregnant. You feel that those women have more to give the world than you and that makes you resent what they have.

How to Deal With Your Envy And Jealousy

To help you deal with these feelings,

remind yourself often of all the great things that you have done for others; and
remind yourself of the happiness you saw on those people’s faces and the impact your help had on their lives.

When you do that, it will help you to see that you also make valuable contributions to the world. Consequently, your perspective may change and you will see that you are a very valuable woman who shows motherly love to others. That can help to boost your self-worth.

2. Anger

You feel angry with the nurses and doctors at the hospital where the miscarriage occurred, right? You feel that they should have done more in caring for your baby, right?

Or, you feel angry at your husband (or partner), sisters, brothers, or parents because you feel they were not supportive enough and that made you lose your baby, right?

And so you respond sarcastically when your partner asks you how you are feeling, right?

You know why you are angry?

No?

Why You Are Angry

It’s because you expected to have the baby so much and you are so frustrated because you couldn’t give birth to a healthy baby.
Alternatively, you feel angry because you feel that although your partner, friends, and relatives sympathize with you, they don’t really care about how you feel. This may stem from comments they may have passed. It may also stem from the fact that you see them looking happy, but you feel that if they really care about you, they must show sadness when they are around you.

Anger Will Affect Your Health Status

However, feeling angry is not good for your health. Research done by Dr. Rachel Lampert of the Yale School of Medicine, and published in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology, has revealed that anger can help trigger a heart attack.

And we don’t want that to happen, right? We want you to get pregnant again and have another baby, don’t’ we?

So, how can you deal with this feeling?

How To Deal With Your Anger

Accept the fact that you are angry. If you don’t and you repress it, it will cause guilt. Guilt may grow into bitterness, which may instigate you to start quarrels with your spouse. Consequently, your spouse may not feel willing to give you the emotional support you need. And that will make you feel neglected, which will make you feel even more angry.
Admit your anger to those you are angry with so that you can have discussions with them. That will help you to clarify misconceptions so that you can be on the same page.
Deal with anger daily as it comes up. When those angry feelings start to develop in your heart, communicate them to your partner immediately. It will help to prevent resentment, hostility, and grudges from taking root in your heart.

3. Guilt

You often say to yourself, “If I had only eaten more fruits and veggies, maybe my baby would have survived!” right? Or you say to your partner sometimes, “Baby Yaa wouldn’t have died if only I had taken my vitamins!” right? Or, you sometimes think to yourself, “If I had exercised more often, I don’t think my baby would have died!” right?

Do you know why you feel guilty?

Why You Feel Guilty

It’s because you don’t understand what causes miscarriages. And you are not the only woman who lacks understanding about what medical experts call “spontaneous abortion.”

A study done by scientists at the Montefiore Medical Center and the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York in 2013 revealed that many people are unable to identify the main causes of a miscarriage.

The study further revealed that 47% of women interviewed in that study, which polled more than 1000 respondents from 48 States in the United States, felt guilty because of their miscarriage.

So, how do you deal with feelings of guilt?

How To Deal With Feelings Of Guilt

Here are things you can do to help you conquer those feelings:

Believe it when your doctors tell you that you are not the cause of the miscarriage.
Write the explanations your obstetrician gives as the cause of your miscarriage on index cards.
Keep these cards on you at all times.
Whenever you feel troubled by guilty feelings, start read the cards aloud to yourself. Keep reading them until you are convinced of the truth again and it will help heal you.

4. Do A “I Have Inner Strength” Exercise Often

You feel overwhelmed by your loss, right? And that makes you feel helpless, right?

Are you wondering why you feel that way?

Why You Feel Helpless

Figure 1: You feel helpless because you feel you're not in control of your life

Psychologists assert that when a woman has a miscarriage, it makes her feel that she has lost control of her life. Consequently, the affected woman may feel that she does not have the inner strength to cope with the situation. That feeling can make the miscarriage feel more terrible than it actually is.

So, what can you do, if you feel this way?

How to Deal With Feelings Of Helplessness

Psychologists assert that you can regain this sense of control by doing exercises that remind you that you have inner strength.

How can this exercise help you?

How The “I Have Inner Strength” Exercise Can Help You

The exercise will help to remind you that you have dealt with seemingly threatening and seemingly insurmountable situations in the past and so you have the strength within to handle the miscarriage. That can make the situation look less threatening and you will find it easier to live a normal life instead of getting depressed.

How to Do the Exercise

Sit down at a table.
Breathe in deeply. Hold your breath for 5 seconds and release it.
Repeat 10 times.
Then recall 50 events from the past 5 years during which you showed great leadership.
Write them down.
Recall 50 occasions on which you felt powerful and in control of life.
Write them down too.
Then, reflect on it to help remind you of the fact that you have reserves of inner strength.

Keep reminding yourself of this throughout each day and it will boost your confidence and motivate you to draw on your inner strength to help you survive.

5. Pray

You bought clothes for your baby, but when you came home and you walked into the room you had prepared for him, pain clutched at your heart, right? And since then you have been moving around with a numb feeling in your heart, right?

Or, you feel empty and incomplete inside, right? You feel as though your motherhood has been taken away from you, right?

And, probably, you have relived the day of the birth of your baby for months since the miscarriage occurred, right? You grieve for the baby because you feel as though someone real has been lost, right?

How to Deal With These Feelings

You can deal with these feelings by praying. Talk to the LORD about how you feel.

Why should you pray?

How Praying Will Help You

Figure 2: Praying will make you feel a sense of contentment

Because the Bible says in Acts 17:28, “In Him we live and move and have our being.” In other words, we become complete when we connect with our Maker, the Rock of Ages. And that reconnection with our Creator can help to heal us when we experience trauma.

How?

When you connect with Jehovah through prayer, you quicken His Holy Spirit. God’s Spirit will help you to feel a sense of completeness and you will live from one day to the next without feeling sad.

Points To Remember

To cope with a miscarriage:

remind yourself of benevolent acts you have done to help you deal with the envy you feel when you see expectant mothers;
deal with the anger of the loss by communicating;
believe your doctors more than you believe the negative thoughts in your head; and
pray and God will make you feel whole.

When you do these things, and as time goes on, your emotional pain will reduce and you will experience a full recovery.

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Author Bio: I Am A Freelance Writer for Hire

Hi, I'm Isaac. I’m a health writer, health blogger, and health copywriter. I’m an indie author as well. I am very passionate about sharing health information with people to help them live healthy lives.

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Thursday, November 15, 2018

5 Smart Ways to Cope With a Miscarriage